This is for those who can't

I'm writing this from the Children's Hospital. Our youngest is here for her second day. She is getting better and is going to be just fine. My heart has been broken many times over the past few days. Broken for her and my other three who are at home. Broken for myself, because I wonder what I could have done differently so she wasn't so sick. If only I would have done this or that, or if I do this or that it won't happen again. Over and over. I know it's irrational. I know in the more rational moments that I didn't do anything, but it still comes and goes like the ocean (which by the way we could have gone to for the same price as this hospital stay!)

Then I see the kids in the hospital who won't be good...they may not even survive much longer. They spend day after day here. This becomes home, the nurses and doctors part of their family. They don't get "back to normal" like I am yearning to do. This is normal. Yet, they seem happy. Their parents, as we parents know, are treading water. They are just surviving. Holding it together for their children, doing what they have to do, and then breaking down when everyones not looking. Their heart is broken and mine is too for them.

Then I watch the news from Haiti. The children they are finding, I'm so happy for them. The mothers who are watching their children die, I'm so sad for them. They don't have the option of medical care for their children. They are helpless a place we parents don't tolerate very well. My heart breaks for them.

Our child will get better. We had a place to go for help. Our life will go back to the same normal we know (I know your laughing because normal is not a word you would use to describe me or my family!) but there will always be a place in my heart for the children who don't get better and the moms and dads who watch their children die.

This is the place I will go to when I feel like I can't kiss one more boo, boo, read one more book, or listen to one more story about how know will sit next to them on the bus. This is where I will get the strength for one more hug and the patience for one more story. We are blessed to have the opportunities we have with our children, let't cherish that for all those parents who don't.